I am twenty-one, going on twenty.
I close my eyes tight for a moment. My eyelashes flutter in anticipation. A thin line of vision gleaned from one cheating eye confirms my belief, and it suddenly doesn’t make a difference if my eyes are open or shut.
I am living an illusion, that deceptive interlude between calm and storm. That thin patch of land between barbed borders where dreams go to die. Will they become one with dark ashes, or will they soar lightly like a phoenix into the free blue sky?
Questions. When..what..why…how… where.. Where are the answers? Is there a Universe within ourselves, where answers to everything can be gold mined? Or are we tiny mirrors of the greatness of the Universe we live in? If so, am I not you and are you not me?
What makes you ‘you’? Random genes, random circumstances, random people intersecting with your life in a random fashion, random happenings, random lack of happenings, random is like salt to fries. Or is there a giant destiny Google map for each of us, with only the Search History option usable?
Like links in a chain, we seek continuity. Something seems to have snapped, though. It is a different way of life, this mode of being.. neither the past nor the future are real. What is now is now; fickle, delicate now. Although it sounds ideal, it feels like reading a random page of a thriller. Lost in the woods without knowing whether it is the beginning or end, and without knowing which of the two I am searching for.
Ekam Sarvam, Sarvam Ekam
One is All, All is One
Infinity is my identity. My soul is a Koch Snowflake, a fractal with boundless possibilities, boundless questions, boundless answers. My infinity is true freedom.
And in this orderly chaos between birthdays, I am twenty-one, going on twenty.